stronger:)

i have become stronger by day stronger by night every minute is like another step to success. i havent dreampt about you for three days i havent talked to you since sunday im doing great proud of myself and thankful to have my friends helping me through this. i still think of you but when your in love with someone its kinda hard not to think about them when thats all you think about. yes i still love you but that will probable never go away. but i am doing my best to let you go live your life without me in it. you said this wasnt the end of us so i think about that daily and if you truly ment it i know you will be back. if you lied then i dont have anything to say to you other then glad your happy. are you and her perfect no your not perfect not one couple is perfect. but we think were with the perfect person. well i know i have been 100% honest with you and if you truly cared you would listen to both me and her and make your guess rather then assume that im the bad guy. its pretty bad when i have to get a number blocked and get a print off of my texts so that you can believe me. well once i give you this print off i would like a big huge IM SORRY. but as far as you know im doing great im smiling laughing and im the Olivia that no body has seen. im the Olivia that my family has missed and the Olivia i was born to be. thanks for waking her up and making her realize she was the perfect girl she was the one who you should have fallen for then you would still be mine. well she is back but my heart is slowly but surely coming home piece by piece its like putting back a 10,000,000 piece puzzel but it is gettting there. let me just tell you once school starts im going to talk to you again and if you accept me back i would like to hang out alot more like every day lol. but as of now im doing great...oh my gosh i have heard from tons of people that we were the perfect couple and that you will find your way back. well i tell them that he's happy and when he realizes i truly cared he will come home till them being nothing to him works for now. you know you meen the world to me with every touch smile kiss sound of your voice everything makes me feel like im riding cloud nine.. just find away back to the old Olivia because i will make your world 20x better i promise you that

P.S. I LOVE YOU MORE THEN ANYONE ELSE KNOWS COME HOME

i did it its finally gone:)

its's been a really good past couple days. even though the worst that could happen  happend he said he wants me to loose his number because im causing him to much drama with his girl friend. well i talked to him for a couple hours then i let him go. i know if he truly cared and he loved me like he said he does then he will come back. he will never know the feelings i have because he hasnt given me that chance to prove to him that ill not be a waste of his time. i have this feeling that is telling me you and him will be amazing if you give it one more shot i know how to fix things and i know how to solve things im getting better and better every single day. like last night i was so proud of my self one you werent on my mind to text its been two days yay:) then the past couple months i have been having dreams that your back and your really not which makes waking up really hard and making the day start off really bad. well last night i didnt you were not in my dream last night i didnt have one dream with you in it:) and when i woke up i didnt have that urge to talk to you and i woke up alot happier without you being the first thing i thought of. im getting so much better at letting you go because thats what you want. im still in love with you i still care so much about you but im gettting to the point were im telling myself that if you wanted me you would be back. and i keep in my head the promises you made me remember the im the only girl you will ever sleep with? remember the im going to come back the week before school to give you one more chance because im not over you yet?remember those well im still holding on to that. and do you remember everything we ever shared well this next time itll be 10x better because as of now my heart still belongs to you yes im picking up broken pieces and putting them back together but my heart still cant get your name off of it. you still mean so much to me and i still will take you back in a heart beat. family and friends are trying to hook me up with other guys but i keep turning them down because my heart says show you im faithful to my heart and you will see how much you mean to me well im getting better and if you still get on here and read please note that i miss you like crazy and i love you till i close my eyes forever thanks for being my first love

P.S I LOVE YOU LIKE CRAZY TILL THERE IS NO MORE US love ya

Pushin u outta hear

Wow I can't believe I let myself fall for you again you say you care you say you still have feeling well if ou did you wouldn't be such an ass to me in the first place. I am a girl and a special one at that any guy would be lucky to have. I actually loved you from the bottom of my heart I thought we were ment to be. Well I guess there's a difference between thought and is right? One day when you are all alone and heartbroken I'll be there for you because that's just the person I am but you and me we won't be together again unless we sit down and talk. There's things that will need to change like we need to talk bout are problems instead of bit each others head off... Another thing no cheating behind my back like you did hers! No lieng to my face and last but not least I won't whole heart and 100% trust. Give that and baby we would be the best thing in the world... But your gone so it doesn't matter right now. It's pretty bad that I talk to your family more then you! But you made your choice you said your happier without me so it's okay I'm strong enough now to let you go one because I know you will always think of me an two you said his wasn't the end of us so holding you to that as well as the week before school that's probable one of your lies but I'm going to think it's true until it becomes a lie. You know I'm always gunna have feeling for you but as of now I'm pushing you out one to save my life and two to heal the open wounds that I have. When you said a break I took it as you are coming back you just needed a summer fling to get back on your feet well I don care if you want me back or if you don't all I know is if you doncome back I want you to come back and stay back if you never going to come back tell me because inneed to get completely over you.. I thought you were something special something no one else was but when your with her you are rude and mean but when you are by itself your the Christopher I fell in love with. Well no need to worry about me you wanna know why cause I'm getting stronger daily and yesterday at the fair it didn't bother me one bit . I flirted for the first time since u and her started goon out it was weird but it kept you off my mind and now I'm going on vacation for to weeks with my best friend it's going to keep me from thinking bout you and keep me from wanting to talk to you! All I have left to tell you is my tears are no longer going to be over you and my life is getting better you were right you weren't my life but u were alot of it thanks for being my first love it was amazing I will never forget you so now all that's left of you are my memories cause u made it clear your gone well chris honey when school starts and you see this beautiful girl walking by you can look and think damn I left an look what I'm missing out on cause honey your getting pushed out daily I will always love you but I don't deserve to cry for you to come back daily cause it's killing me so my smile is on my body is back and you are not around to see it sucks to be you.....

P.S I LOVE YOU MORE NOW THEN EVER!!! Keep your promises show your a man and not a fake like you say every guy is come home babe I love ya

He's always on my mind!!!

My dreams some of them are happy some of them are sad. These past night I've fallen asleep with you on my mind have woken up with a smile. Bit he smile fades quickly with the realization that your gone. My dreams are you and me you are in my arms u say your happy were together you say I'm your everything and it makes me so happy to feel your arms in my dreams it makes it feel whole while I sleep. When I wake up your gone and I have to recope with you not there. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to let you go. But I need to, your not around anymore you don't wanna talk anymore you don't want me anymore I'm not in your life anymore! If only you would have realized my love was true it was special we were special but not everyone feels the same way. The day you come to the realization that I was true and I would have been your life when you come back there's only a few things I ask. One when you come back never leave again and two if u really want back never lie to me. I have one more shot I'm willing to go 110% with you I want that in return for when you want me back.. My family and friends say everyone gets heartbroken and everyone deserves the best out there. They said if you truly cared you wouldn't sit there and watch me fall you would be the person to catch me as I fell. Well the love I have I'm not thinking bout if I deserve better or if I deserve someone who actually wants me back I'm looking at what my heart wants! And everynight I hear your name and I look around to see who is here but no one is ever there it's my realization that my pieces of my heart still call for ou to mend it together again.

P.S I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS!!!!!!! Come home please soon

Thankyou

Everyone says it's greener on the other side well in my world nothings green it's all black blurry and painful I have had a good 16 years of my life it's time for me to het some help going to start therapy get on meds and start turning my life around. I oh a huge thankyou for everyone who's been with me and Jo has helped me realize I'm not well anymore. But I oh the biggest thankyou to the love of my life Christopher James you have helped more then you know. U said u still cared that's the best way to help a girl like me. And u told me you needed to go until I'm healed your 100% right I need toget away from you I need to get my feeling to go away enough that I can endure him being gone. So therapy will help I'll be myself again I miss the old me that laughed at you that smiled to see your face the everything that I was before this took over me.. I'm going to be the old me I'm going to be a stronger me then I ever was thanks to you I can begin my long journey back to were I'm supposed to be. So thankyou for being by Myside thankyou for showing me a little bit of affection and thankyou for everything you have done for me. I'm the happiest knowing u left caring instead of leaving cause you Hated me. Chris when I'm better I'll come home goodbye for now

P.s I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!

It's all gone

When everything starts to be better it crashes. And when isay it crashes I meen it goes down hard. I'm never going to better I'm getting worse. I think about everything all the time my heart is not a heart anymore. My heart is a black ash filled nothing. I can't go any more days without you if you truly care for me please come back save me before it's to late. I'm falling from the highest point about to hit bottom of the ocean floor. I can't take my life without you and I want you back so badly. I love you and it's honestly true love. One day I hope you figure it out that I am mention for you till then I'm gunna be dieng more and each day just come back before there will be no chances of anyone coming back

P.S I love you always

Were do I start from here

Some say never to let the thing u can't go a day without go. Well in my case I did I left it there for someone else. I let the one thing that made my life turn to rainbows and laughter. I let it walk away from me I'm never going to be able to take back how I treated you or how I just left you all by yourself, but there are things I want back. I want that handsome man who held me tightly. I want the kisses that made your whole body tingle and go in to a moment of shock. I want to hear the words I LOVE YOU a million times till I know you forgive me enough to love me again. I want you back I miss my baby I miss everything about you. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about you twenty four seven. Bit when you love someone as much as I love you there is no limit to the thought of you on my mind all I ask is that you don't leave me completely and to give me one shot at makeing you happy cause I know I can do it. I miss you every second of everyday. I get the butterfly's when I see your face wether it's picture or in person. I've done my research and this is no crush it's true love so come back please. Just give me one more chance! The only good thing about you gone is that I know ur happy without me other then that life is miserable. Baby come home I miss you

P.S I love you now and forever