Moving on up

You said your sorry you felt my pain I'm now longer here cause you lied again! My heart is wounded my love has gone what in the word did go wrong! I've been fighting sticking to you but all I get Is I hate you! You come and go like it's a fun game but this is why I go insane! You will never know what could have been because you did not give me the chance again. My love has weakend for your heart just because we fell apart! Your no long the one who i fell for you took my hand and showed me the door! I miss our love I miss your touch even when it isn't much. I'm always here crying your name shhhh listen hear the beat that once was sain! I'm loosing my mind I guess this isn't such a crime! My heart beats slowly aching away but I have to tell myself to stay away! You are there and I am here do you miss me your heart will know. Wether you stay around or go go go! I miss you times and times again but I know I won't pretend! Your my love I won't forget! When you think of me don't get upset! Smile and think what we shares was great it was all supposed to happen thanks to Fate! Here is my soft goodbye my soft sad voice weeps from the pain but I hope for now it'll happen again. I love you now and forever mabey just maybe you and I can be better then what we were last time. Goodbye!!

P.S I LOVE YOU JUST HURRY TO REALIZE BEFORE I GIVE UP ON YOU

Hurt far beyond painful

Have you ever loved someone so much that you think you can't live without them? Well that's what happend to me I loved you Christopher far beyond the amount a normal person should love someone I would drop everything for you! I'd do anything for you! And that's why I let you camp at my house you didn't tell me your girlfriend was going to be at my house! I have never exsperiance so much pain in my life my heart felt like it's was shot numerous times while being ripped apart slowly. My lungs stopped filling with oxygen my throat felt like I just swallowed a huge cotton ball. My fingers were trembling like an elderly! My feet felt like jello while stuck in the same place! I have never in my life been so heartbroken. As you pulled away my mind was in shock I was stund that this just happend. I took a knee by the tree grabbin the bark for security. As I stood up everything darkend the light fading the sound fading my world fading. As I wake up in my mothers arms tears fall one two three falling faster and faster. And the pains are all back I clinch my fist anger takes over squeezing my fist so tightly they turned white I ran down the stairs with my anger trembling picking up! As I reached my bed I grabbed the animal from which I so cherished a couple days ago! I ripped the bear in to pieces with my bear hands! I look at you picture I get a sickening feeling. As I cope with the realization that I just destroyed a stuffed animal and realizing my hand hurts ! I have found out that I punched the wall fingers swelling mind going blank. With the love I thought you once consumed I can see that has faded. Any guy who knew a girl was truly in love with him he would not bring a girl to her home! I will never forget this pain it's perminatly stuck on my heart and me knowing the guy who I loved did it to me. As I remember you I no longer remember the happy you the one I fell in love with, but the you that cut the last string holding my heart from plummeting to the bottom of no return. My heart was healing rebinding but it quickly fell shaddering into tiny granes of sand impossible to pick up the prices and re start again. I'm at the lowest I can be and all because you couldn't see the truth in front of your eyes. So long, time to return to the dark sad tearful mornings and nights as days go by one after another. It's over it's all over I'm emotionless powerless I'm nothing! but a faint memory and old photograph and old ex lover. and you will never be the same to me. theres only one thing that will prove your self and you should know this. promises i dont know should be kept or not. but im not the only one you have to say sorry to my mom sister and step dad they held me in there arms as the tears fell all night and they could feel the pain that came from it. my life will NEVER be the same. sorry i didnt realize that was your plan in the first place. this is me signing out and returning to the horrible day and days to come!

P.S NEVER WILL I LET A GUY LOVE ME IT'S TO PAIN FULL

Open your eyes!

I am strong strong enouh to hold on strong enough to watch you go around with the new girl. Strong enough to get myself out of bed and look at your picture and say I'm glad your happy strong enough to go the day without crying your name! Chris I am in love with you and as these day go on my heart does not change it's feelings I have dreamt that you Will wake up one morning and realize love you that were supposed to marry that I'm ur other half! Chris I love you and even when I'm bein treated poorly like you have treated me the past 3 months I still care more then anything! I will not be able to forgive myself and you won't be able to take back things you did but I want to try one last time! When school comes around and you see me in the Hall I want you to say hello I want you to smile at me! Chris baby I am dieng without you love I'm weak but strong I'm asking for one chance please give me that please. I am honestly in love with you if you wanna feel true love touch my broken heart feel the electricity that comes off of it! Baby I want you and I know you see that and I know deep down you feel it to I know you still love me so come home I miss you dearly and I want to be back in your arms it's only you there is no one else I promise you that just come back I need you more then ever

P.S. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH COME HOME

Days like today

Today is a holiday the days which I will regret having. I exsperoanced this past year the the holidays are more special shared with someone you love. Well today I wished you were here sharing his holiday with me! But at the same time I don't I fell in love with a guy who was special who was kind who was unique and i fell for him because I knew he knew who he was! Well hearing from you recently I'm not so sure you even know who you are! The guy I fell for didn't do pot didn't act like nothing mattered to him loved everyone and dis liked the ones that didn't matter to him. Chris honey find that guy because if you don't your pushing away the real you! I love you enough still that I'll be here to push you back tO reality I just hope one day you will realize loosing your self is fast then staying true to the person you are! Chris I'm not asking to break uP with her or to love menand come back again I'm asking for you to find the true you! If you never wanna come back that's your choice if you want menout of your life for good your choice but I do know one thing and that one thing is I'm never going to stop loving you the things we shared the warmth it gave me I'm never gunna let that go ever! I just wanted to tell you hat even though I'm getting stronger you still make me weak and one days I just wanna cry but my tears will no longer be for the pain I'm in but for the happiness you gave me. I don't regret anything the only thing I have left to say to you is my life is ment for someone wether it's you or someone else I'm me and something will love that and thanks to you I can be who I want and not worry what others think. So chris live your life and if you want me back you have my number you have my email to know were I live put the effort into it and see what it gives ya.

P.S I lOVE YOU TILL MY EYES REST FOREVER!!!!!!!

Getting stronger

I'm getting stronger just alittle bit stronger:) today was the first time in front of my whole family. They enjoyed having the old me back I enteracted with the family and laughed a smiled and they as well as me knew they were real nothing fake anymore. I have learned if a guy doesn't want me not to stress over it cause one day there will be a guy the falls head of heels for me and itll be true love. Yes I loved chris yes I wish he would give me a second chance but hey if he doesn't want me why waste my time. Chris I'll always love you but honey I'm not going to sit around lonely forever so realize I'm better before the 10th the day u promised you would give me one chance and everything will be fireworks amazing! If not and you break that promise then you just missed out on an amazing girl. Because I'm not like anyone else I'm me and not one damn girl in this world is like me! Yes I'm not perfect but hey what girl in this world is:) I'm perfect to someone and wether you see it or not I'm staying ME and never changing again! I am enjoying life everything is beautiful everything is a moment that you can never take back. So why waste my perfect life crying for you, well I'm not anymore I cried my last tear two weeks ago and honey I'm getting stronger every second of everyday. If any girls out there are suffering from heart break I know it's hard but you can make it and live happily again. Chris since you "still care for me" do me a favor and do what makes you happy because I learned that make yourself happy hen once your happy make others happy. Dont ever let you life fall apart because you turn into something your not and once you see that chris you will be yourself again well enjoy your life cause shoot I know I will be!!!

P.S I LOVE YOU STILL BUT iM done wasting time for you find it in yourself to see I'm not the bad girl

the old me

well since you have been gone i have done things i have never done before. i felt heartbreak for the first time i didnt know how to handle it. i started of not eating anything for days i cried myself to sleep. i scream you name when no one was around i literally wanted to die because you werent in my life. i thought to myself daily he's gone he will never think of me he will never give me one chance to show him how much i cared for him. i got worse by day and even worse at night. my dreams taunted me i never wanted to sleep. i wanted to be by myself i didnt talk i keep to myself. wept with sorrow pain and regret. if i would have noticed how much you ment then i would have stayed and we would still be the it couple and the one that made us special. but im glad we broke up because it brought me closer to myself . im the  girl i was four years ago i came to oskie trying to change who i was so that people would like me so that the girls wouldnt judge me. when i was trying to hard to be someone else i completly lost who i was. she had left and thanks to my ex boyfriend i found the old me again. im the girl that cared for everyone no matter what was wrong i was there to help. im the girl that stepped out of her way to help others. and most importantly its not all about me. yes there are a few days that are just for me but most of the time its for others. this girl can live without a guy and wont find one if someone cares enough for me they will find me. and since im single i am enjoying life by the day. i have remembered what i was fascinated by. and that is being out doors looking at the stars watching sunsets smilings and shopping what girl doesnt like shopping. im a completly different girl and im proud to finally say its me and thats never going to change again. so for everyone to here this is the Olivia everyone used to know. and thanks to christopher he has brought her back wether he is still here or he disowns me like he did. you still brought me back and if a guy finds me he will never wanna let me go because im one of those girls that well you just gotta know me to find out. so thanks christopher for being an ass and telling me to loose your number and that i did wrong and that you were never as happy as you are now. because those words are the ones i remember so that i can not talk to you. even though i still miss you i love you
P.S I LOVE YOU SO  MUCH WAITING FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR PROMISES

stronger:)

i have become stronger by day stronger by night every minute is like another step to success. i havent dreampt about you for three days i havent talked to you since sunday im doing great proud of myself and thankful to have my friends helping me through this. i still think of you but when your in love with someone its kinda hard not to think about them when thats all you think about. yes i still love you but that will probable never go away. but i am doing my best to let you go live your life without me in it. you said this wasnt the end of us so i think about that daily and if you truly ment it i know you will be back. if you lied then i dont have anything to say to you other then glad your happy. are you and her perfect no your not perfect not one couple is perfect. but we think were with the perfect person. well i know i have been 100% honest with you and if you truly cared you would listen to both me and her and make your guess rather then assume that im the bad guy. its pretty bad when i have to get a number blocked and get a print off of my texts so that you can believe me. well once i give you this print off i would like a big huge IM SORRY. but as far as you know im doing great im smiling laughing and im the Olivia that no body has seen. im the Olivia that my family has missed and the Olivia i was born to be. thanks for waking her up and making her realize she was the perfect girl she was the one who you should have fallen for then you would still be mine. well she is back but my heart is slowly but surely coming home piece by piece its like putting back a 10,000,000 piece puzzel but it is gettting there. let me just tell you once school starts im going to talk to you again and if you accept me back i would like to hang out alot more like every day lol. but as of now im doing great...oh my gosh i have heard from tons of people that we were the perfect couple and that you will find your way back. well i tell them that he's happy and when he realizes i truly cared he will come home till them being nothing to him works for now. you know you meen the world to me with every touch smile kiss sound of your voice everything makes me feel like im riding cloud nine.. just find away back to the old Olivia because i will make your world 20x better i promise you that

P.S. I LOVE YOU MORE THEN ANYONE ELSE KNOWS COME HOME